The left-wing is crazy and the right-wing scares the shit out of me!

Allan's Perspective is NOT recommended for the politically correct, or the overly religious. Some people have opinions. Some people have convictions......... What we offer is PERSPECTIVE!




Sunday 18 February 2018

Sunday Morning Funnies # 5



TEN BEST CADDY REMARKS

#10
    Golfer: "Think  I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
    Caddy: "Think you  can keep your head down that long?"

#9
    Golfer: "I'd move heaven  and earth to break 100 on this course."
    Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."

    #8 
   Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
    Caddy: "Yes , you miss the ball much closer now."
   
    #7
    Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
    Caddy: "Eventually."
   
    #6
    Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
    Caddy: "I don't think so . That would be too much of a Coincidence."
   
    #5
    Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction"
    Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."
 
    #4
    Golfer: "How do you like my game?"
    Caddy: "Very good , but personally, I prefer golf."
 
    #3
    Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?
    Caddy: "The way you play,  it's a sin on any day."
 
    #2
    Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on."
    Caddy: "This isn't the golf course.  We left that an hour ago."
   
    #1 Best Caddy Comment:
    Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old."
    Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir.."
 
    And the old favorite.....The Golfer has been slicing off the tee at every hole.
    He finally gives up and asks his long suffering caddy if he has seen any obvious problems.
   The caddy replies: "There's a piece of shit on the end of your club ".
    The Golfer picks his club up and cleans the club face at which point the caddy says:
     "No, the other end!"
 **

THE 83 YEAR OLD LADY FINISHED HER ANNUAL PHYSICAL EXAMINATION, THE DOCTOR SAID, "YOU ARE IN FINE SHAPE FOR YOUR AGE, MRS. GREEN, BUT TELL ME, DO YOU STILL HAVE INTERCOURSE?"
 
"JUST A MINUTE, I'LL HAVE TO ASK MY HUSBAND," SHE SAID.
 
SHE STEPPED OUT INTO THE CROWDED RECEPTION ROOM AND YELLED OUT LOUD:  "BOB, DO WE STILL HAVE INTERCOURSE?"

THERE WAS A COMPLETE HUSH - YOU COULD HAVE HEARD A PIN DROP.

BOB ANSWERED IMPATIENTLY, "IF I TOLD YOU ONCE, IRMA, I'VE TOLD YOU A HUNDRED TIMES. WHAT WE HAVE IS...

BLUE CROSS!"



**


OK to express the truth differently without lying. This is a perfect example of this teaching.

 

Getting a hairdryer through customs ........

 

An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favor of you?'

 

'Of course, child. What can I do for you?'

 

'I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over
the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it
through customs for me? Could you possibly hide it under your robes for me?'

 

'I would love to help you my dear; but, I must warn you, I will not lie!'

 

'With your honest face , Father, I'm sure no one will question you!'

 

When they got to customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'

 

'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'

 

The official thought this answer a little strange, so he asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'

 

'I have a marvelous instrument that has been designed for use on women, but which, to date, remains unused.'

 

Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father.'

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