Allan's Perspective is not recommended for the politically correct, or the overly religious! Some people have opinions, and some have convictions ..., what we offer is Perspective! (Sometimes I feel like I'm just a bobble-head on the highway of life!)

Monday, July 24, 2017

New miracle cure for headaches!

Dear Friends:

According to the Perspective Research Department scientist have come up with a new, sure fire cure for mild to medium headaches.

(If you have severe headaches it's probably brain cancer!)

The drug, a spray medicine called 'orbophin,' will cure any mild headache within seconds with one spray per nostril. (Some side effect may include nausea, -you will trade a headache for an upset stomach- bloating, swelling of the legs and feet, dizziness, blurred vision, diarrhea, shortness of breath, low energy, sore back, rickets, memory loss, weak knees, and sometimes lymphoma and heart disease. * This drug should only be taken under the direction of a physician!)

Click here for a list of other drugs that are not to be taken while using this medication!

Sunday, July 23, 2017

Sunday Morning Funnies # 60


Our Amazing Human Body. 


   



It  takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth  to  your stomach.


One  human hair can support 6.6 pounds. 


The  average man's penis is two times the length of his  thumb. 


Human  thighbones are stronger than concrete. 


A  woman's heart beats faster than a man's. 


There  are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet. 


Women  blink twice as often as men. 


The  average person's skin weighs twice as much as  the  brain. 


Your  body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when  you  are standing still.  


If  saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it. 

Women:  will  be finished reading this by now. 

Men:  are  still busy checking their thumbs

I know, me too. Have a nice day!
 --------------------------------------
Bob the Stud      


The Newfie Stud Bob liked to frequent the Newfoundland beaches, but was never able to attract the girls. He decided to ask his friend George the lifeguard for advice.


"It's dem big baggy swimming trunks, my son. Dey're years outta style. Yer best bet is to grab yeself a pair of Speedos - about two sizes too small, and drop a fist-sized potato down inside 'em. I'm telling ye, man...ye'll have all de babes ye wants!"

The following weekend, Bob hits the beach with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato. Everybody on the beach was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning away, laughing, looking sick!

Bob went back to George the lifeguard and asked him, "What's wrong now?"

"Lard-Tunderin' Jeezus b'y!" said George, "the potato goes in the front!"
---------------------------
 An older lady went into a bar in Dallas, TX and saw a cowboy with his feet propped upon a table.



He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen.

The old woman asked the man if it's true what they say about men with big feet being well endowed.

The man grinned and said, 'Sure is, little lady. Why don't you come to my apartment and let me prove it to you?'

The older woman considered she might never get an offer like this again and was curious to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him.

The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.

Blushing, he said, 'Well, thank you, I'm really flattered. Nobody has ever paid me for my 'services' before!'

'Don't be flattered' she replied.

'Take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit!


---------------------------------------

 
When Norwegian Claus Jørstad had an embarrassing incident in the shower with his newly bought IKEA stool, he decided to share his experience in a humorous Facebook post.

What he didn’t know was that the story would become an internet sensation  Supposedly a true story?

What happened…. Claus Jørstad had a bad knee, so he decided that it would be a good idea to get a stool so he could sit down in the shower.

After looking at different alternatives at IKEA, he decided to go for the “Marius” stool since it was made out of steel and plastic, and was comfy.

But there was one thing that Claus had forgotten about: the stool had 8 small holes in it, something that would soon cause an uncomfortable problem. On his Norwegian Facebook page, he writes about the incident:

_“Once I got home, I put my new piece of furniture in the shower and got in, this time without clothes. I calmly sat down on the stool and soaped up my whole body, including the ‘captain’ and his ‘two sailors’. As you might imagine, the sailors are what dangles between my legs, but since this is a public Facebook post I’ll stick to more flowery language.”_

_“So, when the deck got slippery and the captain and his crew got dizzy from all the foam, they started sliding around like drunk sailors!”_  ]Claus writes, and continues:

_“Then something terrible happened. A sailor unwittingly made his escape and slid down one of the holes in the stool. I didn’t notice at first, but as you know things tend to expand when they are warmed up. And when a sailor gets really hot, then he really expands in size. I didn’t notice this until I tried standing up, only to find that the stool was hanging on behind me, and a searing white pain went through me like lightning. That good-for-nothing sailor was stuck in the hole!”_

_“So there I sat. And sat. I was thinking about my predicament and trying to figure a way out of it. I couldn’t pull up the sailor, and I wasn’t sure if I would be able to push him up from below without having to go to the hospital. So I kept sitting there, pondering,”

But as he was sitting there in the ‘ accidental' trap, the problem started solving itself:

_ Claus continues to write….

_“I sat there until I ran out of hot water – and when the hot water runs out, you get cold, terribly cold.”_  he writes, and continues:

_“Since I started getting cold, I thought about how I could keep warm, so I tried reaching for the hair dryer… and guess what happened?!? The cold had made that damn sailor shrink again, and with a pop I was a free man once more!”_

The honest story made readers double over with laughter, and in just one day he received 25,000 likes and 12,000 shares. On the same day, IKEA wrote an ingenious Facebook comment:

_“Hello Claus. We’re sorry to hear that your crew got in trouble and that the Coast Guard almost had to intervene. We recommend you take this stool out of the shower and put a nice flower pot on it.
If you do decide to keep it in the shower, then make sure that you’re wearing the right clothing for a rough day at sea – we recommend putting on a sou’wester. Have a great day,”_ writes IKEA.

I think this was a great example of someone able to laugh at themselves!

http://www.thelaughbible.com/brings-ikea-stool-shower-now-thousands-laughing-embarrassing-incident/

Saturday, July 22, 2017

Saturday Morning Confusion! # 3.3


Dear Friends: "Let's get things back into perspective here!"

Don the Con Trumplethinskin keeps saying that he has done nothing wrong, but he also says that he is going to pardon himself and his family if it gets right down to it!
President Trump went on a Twitter tirade Saturday morning, lashing out at multiple targets, including Obamacare, Hillary Clinton, two newspapers, his administration and the investigation into whether his campaign colluded with Russia to influence the 2016 election. Notably, he announced that “all agree the U. S. President has the complete power to pardon.” (He must be thinking ahead for once!)
The Washington Post reported earlier this week that, according to a source, Trump has asked his team about his “about his power to pardon aides, family members and even himself” in connection with the Russia inquiry. Another source told the Post that “Trump’s lawyers have been discussing the president’s pardoning powers among themselves.” (Constitutional lawyer Laurence Tribe and two former White House ethics lawyers contended Friday that presidents can’t pardon themselves ........, except nobody has bothered to tell Drumpf that! (Or he's just not listening!)

Friday, July 21, 2017

Thursday, July 20, 2017

Build that wall!

Dear Friends: "Let's get things back into perspective here!"

Image result for U.S. CANADA BORDERFolks I have been saying for months now (as a matter of fact, about a year and a half if anyone is keeping track) that we should build a wall between Canada and the United States.

The latest blow to our borders came just this afternoon when six teenage members of the Burundi robotics team went missing after participating this week in an international competition in Washington, D.C., local police said Thursday. (The team went on to win a silver medal for courageous achievement and then they then made an immediate run for the border!(


On Thursday, a D.C. spokeswoman said two of the team members—16-year-old Don Ingabire and 17-year-old Audrey Mwamikazi—were spotted crossing over into Canada.

The sighting appeared to confirm authorities’ suspicion that the teens were intentionally seeking asylum from their home country. “We don’t have any indication of foul play,” said spokeswoman Margarita Mikhaylova.

The competition’s organizers added that the security of students is “of paramount importance,” and that participants are given safe transportation to and from the Trinity dorms. They, too, believe the teenagers’ disappearance may have been “self-initiated.”

While Canada’s Border Services Agency neither confirmed nor denied the reports, a spokeswoman for U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services declined to comment entirely. (Should any of the missing Burundi teenagers try to seek asylum in the U.S., it could take years for them to receive a court hearing, and several more thereafter to receive a formal interview. In the meantime, the teenagers could be detained by Immigration and Customs Enforcement.)

The Canadian government, by contrast, allows refugees inside Canada to have their claims heard within 60 days of seeking asylum. 

On Thursday, the chairman of the United Burundian-American Community Association told the AP that Burundi citizens generally feel they have a better chance of achieving asylum in Canada, given the current immigration policies in the U.S. and that is why we need to build a wall ......, AND WE WILL GET THE U.S. TO PAY FOR IT!

Never, ever go full retard!

Dear Friends: "Let's get things back into perspective here!"

"Moderation, my son, moderation!" This was told to me by a wise old man (my father) back in my youth, and it has stayed with me ever since.

In other words you never go whole-hog on something (political correctness, ecology, social media, exercise, work, play, ideas, opinions etc. etc.) because that clouds your sense of balance and affects your equilibrium.

Never, ever become a fanatic about anything folks ....., especially religion or politics. 

DON'T GO FULL RETARD KIDS!

Examples of this: Objecting to the word "retard" because it is politically incorrect, or not having a microwave because you heard from the Vegetarians and Naturalists that it's bad for you!!!
Let’s make a distinction between two very different kinds of radiation:
1. ionizing radiation, and
2. non-ionizing radiation.
Ionizing radiation, which can remove tightly-bound electrons from atoms, causing them to become charged, is less risky in very tiny amounts (such as x-rays) but can cause problems when exposure is high (think burns and even DNA damage).
However, microwaves emit non-ionizing radiation; a type of radiation that has enough energy to move atoms around within a molecule but not enough to remove electrons.
What does this mean?
Because the radiation from microwaves is non-ionizing, it can only cause molecules in the food to move. This is good! In other words, microwave radiation cannot alter the chemical structure of food components.
More precisely, when heating food in a microwave, the radiation that the microwave produces is actually absorbed by the water molecules in the food. This energy causes the water molecules to vibrate, generating heat through this (harmless) friction, which cooks the food.
 What have we learned?

Essentially, microwaves don’t make foods radioactive. They just heat them!

It has never been proven that microwaves cause any harm to those who use them and therefore you shouldn’t worry every time you want to heat up that pot of soup or those leftover baked beans, as long as you follow the instructions of use that came with your microwave.

So moderation is the word folks ......, and never go full retard!

Shut up and gimme all your stuff!

Dear Friends: "Let's get things back into perspective here!"

I never liked Jeff Sessions, he always reminds me of a white, redneck, shit-kicker southerner who is in favour of the death penalty and segregation and against affirmative action or civil rights!

One of the main reasons he has to go is this:
Attorney General Jeff Sessions rolled back a series of Obama-era curbs on civil-asset forfeiture on Wednesday, strengthening the federal government’s power to seize cash and property from Americans without first bringing criminal charges against them.
Image result for redneck copThat's right kids, down in the good ol' U.S. of A. the cops can seize your stuff and then sell it to put money in their pockets WITHOUT EVER LAYING A SINGLE CHARGE AGAINST YOU!!!!! (That's your house, or car, or anything else you own of value ....., just ask some tourists who traveled in the southern States and ran into one of these guys. -->

In a statement announcing the Justice Department’s new policy directive, Sessions described civil forfeiture as a “key tool that helps law enforcement defund organized crime, take back ill-gotten gains, and prevent new crimes from being committed.” He also cast it as part of his larger push to imprint the president’s hardline stance on criminal-justice matters onto the federal government’s tactics against crime.

Civil forfeiture has existed in some form since the colonial era, although most of the current laws date to the War on Drugs’ heyday in the 1980s. Law-enforcement officials like Sessions defend modern civil forfeiture as a way to limit the resources of drug cartels and organized-crime groups. It’s also a lucrative tactic for law-enforcement agencies in an era of tight budgets: A Justice Department inspector general’s report in April found that federal forfeiture programs had taken in almost $28 billion over the past decade, and The Washington Post reported that civil-forfeiture seizures nationwide in 2015 surpassed the collective losses from all burglaries that same year.

https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2017/07/sessions-forfeiture-justice-department-civil/534168/



Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Niggers!

Dear Friends: "Let's get things back into perspective here!"

I briefly talked about a woman in my previous post who didn't like what I said and called me a nigger!

A nigger?

Yup!

Now listen folks, because of all the bullshit from the politically correct crowd it has become poison to say that word ....., WE CAN'T EVEN SPELL IT IN FULL! (We have to say "ni**er!")

This suppression of words and idea's is having the opposite effect of what these goody-two-shoes are trying to achieve ladies and gentlemen! By making them taboo it only adds to the vileness that is conveyed by their use ...., but this seems to be lost on the P.C. crowd.

Lenny Bruce addressed this subject over fifty years ago and it hasn't lost any of its relevance since:



Or this:

Say What?

Dear Friends: "Let's get things back into perspective here!"

I saw a question of the "Quora" web-site that asked the question "What is the most difficult philosophical question there is." (Or something like that.)

Due to my study of religion and spirituality I have come to the conclusion that we are all part of the "Cosmic Consciousness"or "Mother Nature" or "God" etc. so my answer was that proving the existence of God and defining consciousness is the most difficult question there is!

Hence my answer was: That you are God!

Then I got THIS in the mail:


Amelie Robin commented on your answer "That you are God!": "And you're a n’’’’r!"
Image result for god fearing christian woman clipartO.K. first of all I'm not black, but that doesn't enter into it. I am just confused as to why this woman would call me a nigger in the first place. (Unless it was just one of the worst insults this God fearing Christian woman could come up with on short notice about someone who she figured committed blasphemy against the Lord. (It shows the ugliness that resides in some God fearing people!) 
When it comes right down to it, I just don't understand the connection between the question and her answer!!! (Matter of fact, the only conclusion I can draw with any degree of certainty is that the woman is a Trump supporter ......, because there is something wrong with the wiring in her head!)
The way I see it anyway!
https://www.amazon.com/Exploration-Religion-Meaning-Life/dp/154828646X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1500303227&sr=1-1&keywords=an+exploration+of+religion+and+the+meaning+of+life