Allan's Perspective is not recommended for the politically correct, or the overly religious! Some people have opinions, and some have convictions ..., what we offer is Perspective! (Sometimes I feel like I'm just a bobble-head on the highway of life!)

I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around!

Sunday, December 17, 2017

Sunday Morning Funnies # 32



 Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter.
He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.
The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.
The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties..
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'
The Irishman replied, 'These are Carols.'
And so the Christmas Season begins......

**

 A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector phoned his client. He said, "Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news.”

 
The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day, let's hear the good news first.” The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested  $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15-20 million. I think she could be right.”
 
Saul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?”
 
The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you and your secretary.”



 **


Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits.

After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude.

In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.

"Who is it?", calls one of the nuns.

"Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door.

The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.

The man says, "Nice tits. Where do you want these blinds?"

**

So, today I went over to the local Bass Pro Shop to get a 9mm handgun for home/personal protection.

   When I was ready to pay for the pistol and ammo, the cashier said,   "Strip down, facing me."

   Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control wackos running amok, I did just as she had instructed.

   When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the card reader!

As a senior citizen, I do not get flustered often, but this time it took me a while to get my pants back on.

I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.

They need to make their instructions to seniors a little more clear. I still don't think I looked that bad! Just need to remember to wear underwear when I go out...

 **


 Dead Penguins - I never knew this!

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica ?
 
Where do they go?

Wonder no more It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.

 The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:


 "Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."


Saturday, December 16, 2017

Saturday Morning Confusion about the Republicans.


Dear friends: I hardly know where to start….., but what I am trying to impress on people might give you some indication of the enormity of the problem we face! 

Here is the question:
"What will a future US administration have to do to undo the damage (environmental, political and others) caused by the Trump administration?"

Now here is the answer from a guy who will remain nameless so I don't embarrass him too much! 

What damage are you referring to? So far he has been undoing a lot of damage done by Obama. The military is in a shambles thanks to Obama and the economy is better now than the last 10 years. Unemployment is down more than the last 17 years. People, soon, will no longer be fined for not being able to afford Obamacare. So what damage is Trump doing?

First of all, that old trick "Blame Obama" is still being used for anything and everything, but even that is not the point folks!

What really gets me is the lack of critical thinking and tunnel vision displayed by this typical Republican voter who makes so many mistakes and false assumptions it is almost beyond belief!

First of all, the military is not in shambles, it's in very good shape in spite of what Drumpf says.

Second the economy is in good shape. (If you want to get right down to technical explanations, the economy does not bounce along because of government policies, but rather economic factors. If truth be known, the recession of 2008 was not caused by any government, but rather a secondary result of government inattention allowing financial institutions to run rampant.  

Third, unemployment is down because the economy is good, not because of anything the government did. The only time government can really affect the job situation is when they invoke large scale infrastructure projects like when Dwight D. Eisenhower built the  National System of Interstate and Defense Highways, or when the government increases spending on the military. That's why the
United States has the largest military in the world kids, it's not about defence as much as job creation.

(There are all sorts of other reasons to ask how we are going to fix Drump's legacy (so far) like Trump's anti-government brigade is headlined by EPA nominee Scott Pruitt, the Oklahoma attorney general who repeatedly sued the agency he has been tapped to lead – including in a failed attempt to strike down limits on emissions of the neurotoxin mercury. It includes billionaire Betsy DeVos, the would-be education secretary who testified this week that states should decide whether to enforce the federal civil rights law guaranteeing education to students with disabilities; energy secretary nominee Rick Perry, who famously wanted to eliminate his future department; housing secretary nominee Ben Carson, who had assessed himself unqualified to lead any federal agency; and treasury secretary nominee Steve Mnuchin, who profited from both the housing bubble and its aftermath, pivoting from the mortgage desk at Goldman Sachs to running a bank dubbed a "foreclosure machine" by critics – which tossed military service members out of their homes and tried to foreclose on a 90-year-old lady who owed the bank 27 cents. Mnuchin's "number one priority," he's said, is to "strip back" the Dodd Frank financial reforms that Congress passed in 2010 to prevent another housing-market crash.)

 
AND THEN: Here's the biggest bullshit lie of all. 

"Soon, people will no longer be fined for not being able to afford Obamacare." 

That's right folks, and if you had even an iota of critical thinking at your disposal you would realize that this is because you wouldn't have Obamacare at all! (Or any other type of health insurance!)

All this lack of tools necessary to get you through life by a certain percentage of the population reminds me of what Dean Wormer of Faber College once told Kent "Flounder" Dorfmanin in the movie "National Lampoon's Animal house!"

"Fat Drunk and Stupid is No Way to go Through Life Son!"




This has left the 45th president, in the words of Harvard legal scholar Laurence Tribe, "a walking, talking violation of the constitution from the moment he took the oath of office."

SO: What was the question again?
The way I see it anyway!
********************

Friday, December 15, 2017

Kiss the Internet goodbye!

Dear friends: Well they did it! It was a foregone conclusion that under Ajit Pai’s leadership the FCC would hand big telecoms an early Christmas present.

In a 3-2 vote along party lines, the Republican-led commission decided to eliminate the current net neutrality rules and remove the shackles that prevent ISPs from blocking online content, slowing a competitor’s website, or charging you extra just to access YouTube.

From Gizmodo:
 

It paves the way for an ISP free-for-all, baby, and you can bet telecom executives have plenty of lucrative plans in mind that we haven’t even considered.
 

The vote was briefly delayed after Pai’s comments were interrupted by security. The room was evacuated and searched by Federal Protective Service before Pai resumed. The nature of the threat was not immediately disclosed.
 

From the moment President Donald Trump appointed Pai, we knew he was dead-set on killing net neutrality protections. He’s advocated for ISP interests for years. Before joining the FCC, Pai was a lawyer for Verizon, and he worked as counsel for the Senate Judiciary Committee under mega-conservative former Sens. Sam Brownback and Jeff Sessions. But make no mistake—just because Pai is a Republican doesn’t mean this is a partisan issue for the American public.

Studies show that the vast majority of Americans support regulating ISPs to guarantee that they treat all internet traffic equally. A new survey published on Tuesday found that four out of five Republicans support net neutrality.

California representative Jerry McNerny requested the opportunity to speak at today’s hearing but he was denied by the Chairman. As part of her dissent, FCC Commissioner Mignon Clyburn read a statement from McNerny. It said, in part:
 

Why such a bipartisan outcry? Because the large majority of Americans are in favor of keeping strong net neutrality rules in place. But the saddest part, to me, about all of this, and it’s painful for me to say this, is that this is the new norm at the FCC. A norm where the majority ignores the will of the people. A norm where the majority stands idly by while the people they are committed to serve, that they’ve taken an oath to serve, are about to lose so much.
 

In August, a study funded by the broadband industry found that 98.5 percent of unique comments submitted to the FCC regarding net neutrality were opposed to gutting the rules that went into effect in 2015.

We have to specify unique comments because the FCC was overwhelmed by 23 million comment submissions, and many that supported killing net neutrality were filed by fraudulent bots robo-signing forms and stealing real people’s identities, according to New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman’s office.

Even though the FCC is required to consider public comments for a specified time period, it has refused to cooperate with Schneiderman’s criminal investigation into the corruption of its commenting process. FCC Commissioner Jessica Rosenworcel, one of the two Democratic commissioners who voted to keep net neutrality rules in place, explicitly said this week, “there is evidence in the FCC’s files that fraud has occurred,” but the agency won’t cooperate.


Regardless of the process, or the criminal investigation, or the protests, or the opposition from lawmakers—including fellow Republicans—Pai and his cronies were always going to ignore the public. The chairman has made his disdain for the public’s input and any study that disagrees with his position absolutely clear. He will go down as one of the Trump administration’s most effective pro-corporate puppets. And when he leaves office, he’ll be welcomed by the telecoms with open arms.

But that doesn’t mean all is lost. Even though ISPs have been softening their statements that promise never to violate net neutrality principles, they must wait to take full advantage of their newfound freedom. There’s too much public scrutiny at the moment for them to start installing fast lanes or censoring content. Lawsuits challenging the decision will head to court from every direction. And with the right push from voters, Congress could even do the right thing by passing a law to correct this injustice.
 
Net neutrality is dead folks. Long live net neutrality.

Thursday, December 14, 2017

Little black rock, or little green men?

Dear Friends: Well it wasn't as spectacular as the meteor boom over Russia a while back but police in northern Ontario say a meteor may be responsible for a loud explosion that shook houses from Dulth, Minnesota, to a Thunder Bay neighbourhood earlier this week.

Thunder Bay police say officers were dispatched to the area at about 11 p.m. Wednesday to investigate reports of the loud explosion.

They say officers found a hole in the snow about 75 centimetres wide on the side of the road, with a pile of what appeared to be rock-like material. (Officials say the area was checked and no footprints or vehicle tracks were found.)

Thunder Bay police say they have been in contact with Lakehead University and a professor from the geology department to examine the area. (The force says it is believed it was a meteor from the Geminid Meteor shower, which peaked late Wednesday night until early Thursday morning.)

Local residents, however, are not so sure since there have been strange occurances in the neighbourhood ever since! 



The way I see it anyway!
********************

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

You're FIRED!

Well folks, now that the Republicans lost a Senate seat with the defeat of Roy Moore yesterday it's not taking any time at all for the long knives to come out.

I don't doubt this will reflect badly on Donald Drumpf, but the most immediate casualty of yesterdays fiasco was Steve Bannon!

Yes, that's right kids, the same Steve Bannon who two days ago was still the self-proclaimed darling of the Alt-right.
Republicans are lashing out at former White House strategist Steve Bannon after the party's stunning election loss in Alabama.
New York congressman Pete King urged the party to "dump" Mr Bannon, saying: "His act is tired, inane and morally vacuous."
The Breitbart News chief is blamed for egging on President Donald Trump to back Roy Moore, who lost on Tuesday.
Mr Bannon vowed in October to challenge "every Republican incumbent".
But despite all the criticism, Mr Bannon is defiant.
An unnamed source close to him told Bloomberg: "This doesn't stop Steve's war against the establishment.
"All it does is pour gasoline on top of it."
Representative King launched a highly personal attack on Mr Bannon on Wednesday morning.
The Republican congressman tweeted: "After Alabama disaster GOP [the Republican party] must do right thing and DUMP Steve Bannon."
He added: "If we are to Make America Great Again for all Americans, Bannon must go! And go NOW!!"

Mr King later appeared on CNN to say the former Trump adviser "looks like some kind of dishevelled drunk that wandered onto the political stage", even though Mr Bannon reportedly abstains from alcohol.
The congressman also attacked Mr. Bannon's "weird alt-right views", which he said did not represent conservative values.

Hopefully, this will be the start of something big!

The way I see it anyway!
******************** 

Tuesday, December 12, 2017

Jail instead of the Senate..... pity!

Dear Friends: "Let's get things back into perspective! 

Seems these guys are all over the place! The latest story comes to us from jolly ol' England.
 
A pedophile who went on holiday with a 15-year-old girl and her family after fooling them into thinking he was a teenager has been jailed for six years. Clinton Stoddard, 32, groomed the girl on the internet and tricked her into thinking he was a 19-year-old before becoming her boyfriend. (He also managed to win the trust of the girl’s family, who invited him to go on holiday with them.)

 

(Stothard, from Barnsley, South Yorkshire also targeted a number of other girls online and encouraged them to send sexually explicit photos to him.)

P.S. Does this remind anyone of Alabama's Roy Moore!

The big difference between us and them is that in the Sates this qualifies you to run for elected office while in Britain it sends you to jail!

MEANWHILE: The Republican Party over in the States has expressed disappointment with  Clint's six year jail term since they had plans to bring him over to America and run him in an election for a Senate seat ...., figuring he was an ideal candidate!

(Oh well, maybe in 2024 eh!) 

The way I see it anyway!
********************

Monday, December 11, 2017

If I Ruled the World # 18: Why America isn't great anymore!

Dear Friends: "Let's get things back into perspective!"

I have to apologize for treating our American cousins on the shabby side every now and then and please realize that I don't do it out of malice or any ill intentions, there just seems to be areas of your society that, for want of a better word, has gone off the track lately. 

The post World War ll United States was the greatest society this planet has ever seen and Donald Drumpf was absolutely right when he says you should "Make America Great Again!"

Unfortunately he's going about it in the worst way possible and between him and various splinter groups and political parties the slide from greatness just seems to be accelerating!

Look folks, on the surface there is not much difference, if any, between the average American and Canadian, but unfortunately down in the States there are so many more pockets of nut cakes, extremists, fanatics and general idiots and morons walking around that they are doing harm to the entire country.

The only solution to this problem is education folks, because that's what makes or breaks a country, and in this area the States has been sadly lacking lately.

Education teaches people to look around themselves with a clear and critical eye so that they can discern the difference between what is real and what is bullshit propagated by special interest groups. (Not to mention that a good education also leads to a better job!)

Now please don't think that we are free of these problems up here in Canada folks, because we're not......., you just have a lot more of it down there!

Now might be a good time to re-visit that speech Jeff Daniels gave in the TV show "Newsroom!"






MATTER OF FACT: If you wanted to exemplify the difference between our two countries the best way to describe them would be that the United States is a Starbucks coffee shop and Canada is a Tim's!
The way I see it anyway!

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