The left-wing is crazy and the right-wing scares the shit out of me!

Allan's Perspective is NOT recommended for the politically correct, or the overly religious. Some people have opinions. Some people have convictions......... What we offer is PERSPECTIVE!




Sunday 21 January 2018

Sunday Mornig Funnies # 92

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the colour of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes but women in general...and all in the name of humour!" The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little idiot on your knee!"

 **
I'm passing this on because it worked for me today. A Dr. on TV said to have inner peace we should always finish things we start and we all could use more calm in our lives. I looked through my house to find things I'd started and hadn't finished, so I finished off a bottle of
Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiuminunpsrcriptuns, an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how feckin fablus I feel rite now. 
Sned this to all who need inner piss.  An telum u luvum.  And two al hve a Marry Crispmouse
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Q: What is a redneck's last words? A: Hold my beer and watch this!
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A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory perception. She brought in a variety of lifesavers and said, "Children, I'd like you to close your eyes and taste these." The kids easily identified the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher gave them honey-flavoured lifesavers, all of the kids were stumped. I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "It's something your mommy probably calls your daddy all the time." Instantly, Little Johnny coughed his onto the floor and shouted, "Quick! Spit'em out! They're assholes!"
**
Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighbourhood boys for being stupid. Their favourite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime Little Johnny always takes the nickel. One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbour takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?" Johnny grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!" 

**
MARIJUANA and MARRIAGE

In Canada, our government recently passed two laws.

They are:

 1. Legalized gay marriage.
2.  Legalized marijuana.

Legalizing gay marriage and marijuana at the same time now makes perfect Biblical sense.

Leviticus 20:13 says: "If a man lies with another man they should be stoned.

We just hadn't interpreted it correctly before!

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